With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
