Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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