I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
