The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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