I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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