i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
