Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
