I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
