How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
