someone threw a dead crab at me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
