i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
