It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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