Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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