Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
