if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
