dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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