Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
