Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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