hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
