Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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