i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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