shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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