i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
