don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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