I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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