I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
