Fine. I'll sleep in my office
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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