ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
