he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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