I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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