I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
