The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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