Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
