apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
