I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
