he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
