It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
