No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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