i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drake has all the answers
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
