whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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