She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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