I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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