i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
