Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
