Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
