maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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