And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
