But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
