you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
