I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
