I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
