She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
