New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
