i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
