Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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