Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
