He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
