Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
