dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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