We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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